Finance, Forex and Investments

Divorcee or leave to gather. Cruelty ? For Kids sake?

Will try to make long story short. It’s 2nd marriage for me and 3rd for my wife. (her 2nd Marriage was with her brother-in-law to migrate to USA). It’s about 6 yrs. Two kids about 6 & 3 yrs. Old very smart and sensitive kids. 1)As I was suppose to as husband I added her name to all of my bank accounts, gave her about 3 to 4 credit cards, I choose to add my wife’s name to bank locker along with my brother’s name and not mine which had all of our family’s jewelry. 2)I tried selling my manual, stick shift car for about atleast 8 months but no buyer so asked my wife we can sell her car (automatic transmission) easy to sell and put that money in her retirement account which I did. In my friend’s presence she told my friend that she is vague about that money but not sure this is after she did at times opened the mail for her retirement bank statements for 5 yrs. 3)When on honey moon she was buying too many gifts for her niece and nephew and I had to politely tell her stop buying more she argued and I told her that she is trying to rip me off. 4)My mother-in-law stayed with us for about 8 – 10 mths during our 2nd child and she told me that they are good people who are not asking for baby sitting money. This is when my wife was housewife and not working at all. Yes my MIL baby sit my kids when my wife had doctor’s appointments but she forgets that I paid her one way ticket from USA to India and also attorney’s fees to find out if my 50 yr. old Sister-in-law can migrate to USA about 2 yrs. earlier then her Visa procedure. 5)I will have to visit India b’case my sister-in-law ignored my instructions to invest in 3yr CD instead of 6 yr. CD which was her decision. I was totally unaware till my wife told me about 1 1/5 yr. later when she visited India. 6)For 2 yrs. or so my wife insisted and forced me to visit her family in India after our marriage and we decided to visit when my son would be about 1 ¼ yr. old for her hair cutting ceremony even when my brother, sister, all fraternal and maternal uncle and aunts are in USA. Now she changed her stand that it was for hair cutting only and not to visit her brother and sister who hardly called us for about 6 yrs. Or so till they migrated to USA. 7)After her return from first visit from India on or around 4th day or so she told me that she will visit one more time to India before her brother and sister migrates to USA I got little mad and told her to plan for her and ours better future plan rather then thinking about roaming all the time. For 6 yrs. Our trips include. Honeymoon, total of 2 trips to her sister’s place in other state in USA and 2 trips to India, one to my friend in other state even after this she told my friend we never visited any place and never goes out. 8)She deleted couple of emails about her expense of India where the amount differed few times this is after she was done shopping and when asked she told me I am cheap and should have asked if she needed more money like her brother in law does all the time. 9)My sister-in-law told me couple of times on our way to her house from airport that her other brother-in-law rented a bus and invited about 50 people, also this being at diwali time also told me her other brother-in-law sped about two thousand Rupees for firecrackers for kids, and also shoed me many gifts that her brother in law gave it to them, yes I gave less number of gifts but if considered mine were more expensive then her. I believe in quality and not quantity. DOES THIS MEAN THEY WERE TRYING TO MAKE ME SPEND MONEY TO THEIR SHOW-OFF. 10)My wife told me to buy CD player or some thing around Four to five thousand Rupees for my sister in law had to make about 3 or so trips when my house was sold and all the expenses were paid by me as it’s my house and I don’t want to look cheap but they never ever bought me any thing for myself when they came to USA even when I paid for my MIL’s ticket and $200 Immigration attorney fees for my other SIL’s. 11)MY WIFE AND SIL’S COMMENTS ARE THAT OF TOTALLY LOW LIFE ( based on 4 people I asked about their comments ) AND THEY CHANGE THEIR STAND EVERY TIME AFTER THEIR COMMENTS. 12)My SIL told me it was also my responsibility to support and help my BIL and SIL who are migrating to USA and then she changed her stand. PL. BE HONEST IN YOUR OPINION SOUND LIKE ONE WAY STORY BUT THIS ARE FACTS. I DON’T WANT TO PLAY GAMES SINCE MY KIDS LIFE IS INVOLVED. even when my wife was housewife for about 5 yrs. i never ever stopped her while she called her sister and brother in india even though her bro and sis never ever called us here in usa and her sister who was hendeling my money in india never ever informed by spending about Rs10 letter or by phone about how my money was invested overriding my instruction.

Public Comments

1. I think right now in this country and abroad, marriage & having children is a scary proposition. Today, the divorce rate is so high due to no-fault divorce. If you have kids, for women - that means they hold all the cards. A man today has to realize that, love and "the dream" aside, the risks to men/fathers far outweigh the rewards. Check the source - some great books on just this issue. Family court is tilted heavily in favor of women/mothers. Moms have all the rights, get all the benefits, and dad is too often relegated to a visitor in his children's lives while being an ATM machine fro mom. He can lose half (or more) of the cash, cars, house, investments, etc... and worse - the children. Seriously, if I had known then what I know now about how the divorce machine sucks in fathers, grinds them up, and spits them out so unceremoniously, I would have never gotten married and given up my dream of having a family. With no-fault divorce (the biggest killer of marriage and families) you don't need an excuse anymore to get a divorce. You just don't have to feel like being married anymore - and with that reality comes the truth - a marriage is no longer a contract, so what's the point except to put yourself and your future at risk when someone "doesn't feel like it anymore?" With women (who have children) initiating almost 3/4 of divorces today (most men don't even see it coming), it's the smart man who chooses not to get married and certainly not have children... and that's a shame.
2. YOU SHOULD OF NEVER PUT HER IN WITH ALL UR ACCOUNTS AND ALL U SHOULD OF HAVE SIGN THE PAPER WHERE NOONE GETS ANYTHING WHEN DIVORCE IT SEEMS LIKE UR WIFE JUST WANTS UR MONEY AND ABOUT UR KIDS IF U LEAVE HER YES IT WILL BE HARD BUT THEY WILL UNDERSTAND ITS NOT LIKE UR GONNA LEAVE THEM OR STOP SUPPORTING THEM UR WIFE NEEDS 2 BE RESPONSIBLE GET A JOB AND HELP OUT AND STOP SPENDING ALL UR MONEY QUICK QUESTION R U 4RM INDIA 2?
3. this is difficult as I think two cultures are involved and I know high regard is put on a dowry, and gifts have meanings but this sounds quite complex with children involved. There is nothing wrong with Divorce and you sound alittle more westernised. You should also be carefull about helping relatives with Immigration, It may be this women married you to help other members of her family get visa entry and Citizenship. Sit down and talk to your wife or partner or whatever she is and explain there are two many things going on and you want to concentrate on the family. If she is not happy then let her make the decision but if you are her meal ticket she probably wont go. If you do Divorce you must split everything equally and you should speak with a lawyer but this will cost you if you can sort it out between you this will save alot of money.
4. TURN THIS SITUATION AROUND NOW. 1.) Have wife empty accounts. 2.) Create new accounts with less money. 3.) Hold onto the larger part of the monies 4.) Put money away in a safety deposit box with only your name on it. 5.) Take all monies out of accounts & investments in India. 6.) Cancel and pay off most of the credit cards. 7.) Leave wife with one credit card 8.) Create accounts in the kids names. 9.) Take out an insurance policy for yourself with the kids as beneficiaries. 10.) Take a break from her relatives, stop traveling to India after finances are wrapped up there. Limit visits. 11.) After you have done the above............. Stand up to your wife. Let her know that: a) You are not going to support her family b) She is not going to be making the decisions for your finances c) That she must respect you if she wants to be respected
5. You are a perfect money man but poor in tackling human relations. Leave the habit of money measurement. There are things in life which require "HUMAN" touch. All your story threaded in money. this is not the solution honey! this is the beginning of the problem. Why can't you both talk to each other in peace (without money ofcourse). By far given background both of you had poor relations with your ex-spouse mutually. You both are hanging on each other only with money rope. It is difficult to judge who is more or wrong side. CONCLUDED: You both can never understand "HUMAN RELATIONS" You both cannot give good upbringing to your children. BETTER Get divorced and let your children grow at a place where they are able to knit relationships without money. The earlier it is done (mean to say upbringing of children at another place) it is better for your children. IF YOU ARE REALLY INTERESTED IN YOUR CHILDREN'S FUTURE 1. Your divorce / separation / counselling is separate issue 2. More important is that your children's brains should not get corrupted. 3. both of you are experts in not understanding human relations. 4. Most likely you may call me bastard for giving this piece of information. BUT TRUTH PREVAILS! SAVE YOUR CHILDREN FROM YOUR ATMOSPHERE.